Mal'chik Gey
by Bishoujo Naria
Summary: Yukito before he ever knew Touya and how he found out who he was and that he truly liked guys. Very sad.


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Card Captor characters and I don't own the name "Mal'chik Gey" that is actually a song title by T.A.T.U. and I don't own the song "To where you are." By Josh Groben which the "angel" sings through the foremost of the story.   
  
Thank you and enjoy the fic.  
  
~BrillaintDarkness  
  
  
  
~Who can say for certain? Maybe you're still here...~  
  
Who's there...? Where am I...?   
  
~I feel you all around me... your memories so clear... ~  
  
Even with the beauty of the well-ranged tenor that sang despite anything in addition and noticed not the all-embracing darkness that cloaked him without a speck of light to be traced, the silvery haired beauty could not help but feel complete and utter phobia towards the unseen musician.   
  
Please, show yourself...   
  
But no matter how much he tried, he could not help but feel the music encase him, swallowing him in its rhythmic pull of lulling lyrics and sound. It was almost as if the music were apologizing for an uncommitted crime. A presentiment? No... He had never heard this voice before and didn't know any man or boy who could sing the way this dream vocalist did. If only he knew more, he could decipher. He decided to attempt to speak once again.   
  
I'm scared... Please, I beg for you to answer me and show yourself...  
  
Nevertheless, the voice sang with confidence and intensity. It was a passion of the senses. He found no words could evade his throat to any further extent. He was sure the Gods would punish him by cursing him to a mute for interposing the Angel's sweet song. He simply closed his eyes allowing the unclear dream to take flight as it craved.   
  
~Deep within the stillness... I can hear you speak...  
You're still an inspiration...  
Can it be...?~  
  
Yukito-kun...  
  
The boy was pinned by the tender mercies unable to move, his body immobile. What was this toned phantom trying to tell him? He strained to listen as best he could, his thin brows creasing slightly in better concentration. But as soon as he did the never-ending black was shot through the core with a resplendent light blinding its male quarry with but a cry of alarm quickly drowned by a most atrocious din. In an instant all color of the natural world had returned as his eyelids decided to obey him once again and part willingly. His chest heaved lightly with a single deep intake of saccharine dawn air glittered with a faint taste of welcome. It was a dream? Of course it was... But it was so genuine... he was almost frustrated.   
  
Chapter 1  
  
"Yukito! Breakfast is ready!" A voice summoned from downstairs. His mind and body were paralyzed. He couldn't even feel his back upon the futon or the cotton sheets pulled up to his mid chest. He gawked at the ceiling as if waiting for the man to immerge from within but he never did.   
"Yukito? Yukito are you awake?" He snapped out of his slight trance and sat up despite the lightheaded feeling that filled his entire body.   
"H-Hai! Obasan!" He called in his faint feminine voice. He reached to his night table his fingers gracing the top locating his neatly rimmed glasses. He slid them on and ran his finger through his hair allowing them to rest on his forehead. Never had a dream had that much effect upon him. Normally he simply shrugged them away, but something in the Tenor's voice cried and pleads to him almost excruciatingly. Despite the queasy feelings, he forced himself to stand and begin to dress.   
  
**  
  
Step by step he walked slowly down the wooden stairs, careful to keep his balance as he did. His eyes were half lidded mindlessly as he allowed himself to slide into his chair at the table his breakfast awaiting. He smiled hoping once he got some sustenance into his system he would feel a bit better; after all, nobody loved food like he did.   
"Gochisosama!!" He chimed with a slight smile as he picked up his glass and plate placing it in the sink before turning about grabbing his school satchel. His Obasan walked over and handed him his lunch kissing his cheek as he walked out the door.  
"Ittemairimasu!" Yukito called a bit more cheery as he skipped down the steps of his porch grabbing his bike swinging a leg over and placing it firmly upon the pedal pushing him forward. The wind was cool and the Cherry Blossoms were just beginning to bloom. He was looking forward to today for after school he was going to watch his best friend practice for track like he had promised he would. He loved to go to events being good at almost every sport. Even if he weren't any good, he would still want to attend if only to see his companion.  
A slight glare caught his eyes from the bright sunlight and he couldn't help but smile and bid it good morning. He had momentarily forgotten about the dream and was more/less glad. The Tomoeda elementary school wasn't far from his house at all, and right next to the elementary school was the high school where his friend attended being three years older and a freshman.   
Once Yukito had rounded the corner of the sidewalk with amazing speed his eyes began to immediately scan the annual meeting place just before both schools. He slowed his bike to a stop and frowned gazing left then right a few strands of his fine silverish hair falling into his eyes only to swipe them away with pale fingertips.   
"Yukito-kun!" A voice suddenly called. It was faint and a bit deep. He turned about to see a figure jogging towards him from the direction he had come. He smiled immensely.  
"Mal'chik-senpai!" The older elder boy came to a pause placing his hands upon his knees panting a bit hard. Yukito beamed.   
"Ohayo! Mal'chik-senpai!" The boy stood straight and placed a hand upon his uniformed hip with a slight smirk. His hair was a deep flaming red and hung just past his pierced ears in choppy wisps. The under side flame-dipped in black, the red really accented his pure coal eyes that could seem so emotionless one moment and overflowing the next. He was no doubt foreign, but nobody was sure where from and nobody thought to ask. His Japanese was authentic and as if he knew it from birth, but he spoke other languages as well such as Latin, Italian, German, French, as well as English.   
"Yuki...? Yuki...?" Mal'chik snapped his fingers in front of Yukito's eyes. He snapped back out of his thoughts.  
"H-Hai! Gomen... Shall we go then...?" Mal'chik gave a soft smile to the younger boy and slung his bag over his shoulder walking beside Yukito who decided he would walk his bike.   
All while they walked Yukito told him of how excited he was to watch him run and how fast he was. He kept complimenting him on many things making the elder boy blush now and again, but he only chuckled and listened tenderly. Yukito frowned as he came to the elementary school. Mal'chik sensed this and smiled lightly.  
"See you after school then...?" He turned walking backwards as he tossed Yukito a small something. Yukito caught in both palms and opened them carefully to peek inside. It was a small white wrapper candy, his favorite. He smiled closing his palms around the small memento again before walking to park his bike.   
  
**  
  
The day seemed as if it would never end. He stared at the clock, which didn't help much anyhow. He would sigh now and again before continuing with his assignments. He found himself unintentionally dozing off once and a while dreaming about watching Mal'chik. He gave a thought filled sigh when suddenly the teacher addressing him interrupted his thoughts. He blinked then slouched into his chair slightly with a huge blush apologizing. The school bell rang. YATTA! Yukito thought as he packed his satchel and walked to the lockers to get his shoes.   
He ran all the way to the high school track and sat on the bleachers still quite a bit early. He tapped his shoes on the metal and his fingertips upon his satchel that sat upon his knees. He didn't know what made him so eager to see Mal'chik but it was always like something great was going to happen, like Mal'chik was the greatest thing that ever happened to him. True Yukito had a ton of friends, more than he could count, but there was something special about Mal'chik, something he couldn't explain.   
A small commotion of laughter and shouts caught his attention. He pivoted on the bleacher to see the track team coming out from what he presumed was the locker room. His eyes scanned the group of boys from freshman to seniors. He frowned seeing only a sea of bright brown to black hair. Where was Mal'chik? He frowned and gazed back down at his knees feeling his cheeks burn.   
The locker room slowly opened with a low creak as Mal'chik emerged. He was wearing a pair of short shorts and a muscle shirt; he wasn't very well built but more than not. He was almost as pale as Yukito, but that, in itself, was hard to accomplish. He ran a hand through his hair seeming a bit tired but soon gazed up to see the small boy upon the bleachers. He smiled.   
"Yuki-kun." He stated lightly. Almost by instinct the boy turned around and flashed a smile and a wave. Mal'chik gave a light nod and a small smile before rejoining the track team.   
  
**  
The boys took a few warm up laps around the track. Mal'chik was near the center always if not near the front. Yuki smiled and placed a thoughtful chin upon his closed fist watching. The teacher blew the whistle and all the boys ran forward and allowed him to explain the routine. Yukito couldn't hear but deciphered he would find out soon enough.   
Each of the boys took their place by the starting blocks stretching a bit more. Yukito moved down to the fence where he could get a better look. He smiled seeing Mal'chik near him. He felt his heart jump a bit. He cupped his hands about his small mouth and called lightly.  
"Do your best, Mal'chik-senpai!" Mal'chik turned about and smiled giving Yukito a thumbs up and a wink before taking his place on the starting blocks. Yukito hadn't even heard the gun go off or even bothered to pay attention to the other runners. His vision was focused completely on Mal'chik. He watched in awe as the elder boy's leg muscles flexed with each movement and how his pale pink lips were parted slightly to allow air through. Oh it was magic to Yukito. He found himself smiling widely as the boys began to run around the second turn. Yukito was positioned at the side of the fence where it looked as if they were running towards him. He smiled and placed either hand upon the metal intertwining his fingers in the links. He found his thoughts straying to more devious subjects despite his intentions. He gasped suddenly feeling a slight tightening sensation in his shorts. His eyes widened. What was this? Why was he turned on? He glanced back up to see Mal'chik come to the finish line and slow to a stop allowing his head to arch back before falling forward his hands upon his knees panting. That was it. Yukito was gone.   
He grabbed his bike from the elementary yard and rode home as fast as he could the tightening feeling still present but slowly beginning to fade. He felt hot tears welling up in his eyes of fear and deceit. He parked his bike by the porch and ran inside slipping off his shoes before running up to his room. He closed the door and locked it. He was panting hard as he flopped down on his bed. He cried hard into his pillow. He didn't like the feeling within his abdomen when he looked at Mal'chik. It felt almost good, but he wouldn't admit it, Mal'chik was his friend, nothing more. He cursed at Mal'chik and his damn attractiveness and for being everything Yukito wanted, or at least what he thought he wanted.  
  
**  
  
After a long while he found he could no longer cry, not even if he tried the tears would cease to come. He rolled on his back and stared at the dark ceiling above him. Crying had made his head pound intensely and his body exceedingly tired. His Obasan had tried to offer him dinner earlier but he had refused politely saying he had a big lunch. The wind began to howl almost mournfully outside his bedroom window. He sighed deeply wondering why he was crying and why he was blaming Mal'chik. He mentally slapped himself as he curled into the fetal position with his pillow allowing the painful sleep to overcome his tiny body.  
  
~You're still an inspiration...  
Can it be...?  
That you are mine...  
Forever love...~  
  
The angelic voice began its careful song haunting Yukito's dreams. His fingers gripped the pillow to a point where they threatened to break if more stress was inflicted. Whimpers began to evade his parched throat mindlessly as he allowed his dream to commence. It was a bit clearer than it had been the previous night. This time he was aware he was surrounded by darkness and could feel the cold surface of the floor upon his bare feet despite the fact he couldn't see it. He wanted to cry again. The voice gave him such comfort. He wanted to wrap himself up in the sweet verses and never come back. He wondered why he was allowed privilege to listen to this sweet angel, what he had done so right for the Gods to smile on him? Even if he couldn't see anything but complete darkness, the sound meant more to him than anything else.  
  
**  
  
Morning had come sooner than he would have liked. It was Saturday so he didn't have to get up if he didn't want to. He sighed and pulled the blankets over his head despite the warmness of his room and tried as he might to get back to sleep. He was at the brink of sleep when a sudden stirring brought him around. He parted his eyes and blinked. Voices? Voices downstairs? Whose?   
"Sumimasen, Gey-san. Yukito-kun isn't feeling well I don't think. I'll tell him you stopped by..." His eyes snapped open at the mention of the name as he bolted upright in the bed. He shook his head rubbing his eyes wondering if he had only heard the name wrong. Then came the reply.  
"Ahh, it's okay. I guess I'll just see him Monday then..." There was no mistaking. That was Mal'chik's voice. He jumped out of bed and looked out the window in time to see Mal'chik climbing unto his bike.   
"Senpai!!" He called. Mal'chik turned this way then that before looking behind him following the house up until his eyes fell upon Yukito. He smiled.  
"Hey! I thought you were sick!" Yuki shook his head vigorously.   
"No! I will be right down! Please wait!" Mal'chik smiled as he watched the young boy disappear back into his room closing his window.  
  
It wasn't a long wait before Yukito came dashing out of the front door grabbing his bike. He was panting hard. Mal'chik raised a brow then chuckled.  
"Were you in a hurry?"  
"I...~pant~...didn't want to...~pant~ keep you waiting..." Mal'chik laughed at this.  
"I told you I would wait didn't I?" Yukito nodded with a blush as they both mounted their bikes and headed towards town. There was a long silence shared before Mal'chik broke it.  
"What happened yesterday? I looked everywhere but I couldn't find you after practice." Yukito stared down at his handlebars trying to think of something to say. He couldn't very well tell Mal'chik he had been turned on by him. He may shun him and refuse to be friends anymore.   
"Well...?"  
"Uhh... I had forgot that it was my turn to cook dinner." He smiled after to reassure the statement was true. Mal'chik shrugged his shoulders lightly.   
"It's okay. Maybe next time huh?" Yukito nodded with a smile.  
"Hey, what say we go get something sweet to eat huh? My treat..." Yukito's jaw dropped as an excitement filled him with the mention of sweets. He was a sucker for sugar; he was a sucker for food in general. And none knew that better or used it to advantage like Mal'chik.   
  
**  
  
They both stopped at a shop and sat down at a booth opposite each other and Yukito felt his cheeks growing hot again. Mal'chik frowned lightly.  
"Yuki, are you sure you're not sick? You are sort of red in the cheeks..." Yukito swallowed hard trying to break the lump in his throat.  
"Ehh... I'm fine! Just a bit warm is all!" Just then the waitress came over and placed two large sundaes on the table one in front of each of them.  
"Well this outta help." Mal'chik winked picking up his spoon and tasting a sample. Yuki's eyes lit up with glee as he too picked up his spoon and began to devour his. Mal'chik simply watched Yukito all the while taking occasional small bites of his own sundae. It wasn't too long before the bowl was completely empty and Yukito sat back patting his small stomach.  
"Oh that was SOOO good!" Mal'chik couldn't help but laugh out loud at the statement. He paid the waitress and they walked out to get their bikes.   
"Thank you for the food, Senpai." Yukito sent a glance over his shoulder to Mal'chik who nodded twice then waved a hand.  
"Forget it, eh?" And with that he hopped on his bike and started towards the direction of his house which was opposite Yukito's  
"See you tomorrow maybe?" Mal'chik pivoted in his seat keeping a hand on the handlebars.  
"Maybe... Ja'ne!"   
  
Yukito's heart fluttered and he tried as he might to stop it. He didn't like having an extreme affection for another guy; he had always been taught it wasn't right. But Mal'chik didn't seem like other guys, he was different somehow.   
He had decided to walk his bike home that took quite a bit longer than riding. The sunset was warm but was faintly cool. He had been out longer than he thought. He hoped Mal'chik would come over again tomorrow.   
  
~Are you gently sleeping...?  
Here inside my dream...?  
And isn't faith believing...  
All power can't be seen...?~  
  
This time Yukito found it easier to cry, but not a sorrowful cry. More a cry of comfort, an extreme comfort only felt by one person to another. The one a significant other inflicts. Yukito felt this warmth whenever he slept now, for three days the dream had continued and all the while it was the same only more verses were added. He had stopped requesting the angel show itself but instead just humbly and willingly listened without interrupting. All rhyme or reason had gone out the window when the voice cooed him. Gender didn't matter anymore.   
  
One day... I will find this angel... and marry him...   
  
**  
  
  
"Yuki...? Ne, Yuki!" Yuki jumped a bit then glanced up from his arcade game to Mal'chik. "Are you okay? You just zoned out on me..." Yukito turned his glance to the game screen to see Mal'chik had beaten him considerably. He blinked then rubbed his eyes.  
"I guess I'm just not getting enough sleep at night..." Mal'chik placed a hand on his shoulder comfortingly. Yukito's eyes widened as he turned his gaze to the hand then to Mal'chik's soft gaze.  
"We better get home then... I have homework and I'm sure you do as well..." Yukito nodded once and followed out the exit. He mounted his bike and Mal'chik did the same. Yukito placed a foot on his pedal when Mal'chik raised a hand to his forehead.  
"Senpai...?" There was no reply.  
"Senpai?!" Mal'chik inhaled sharply and rose back on his bike forcing a smile.  
"I'm fine, just tired is all. And I think I'm coming down with the flue..." Yukito looked to him with concern. Mal'chik caught the look and shook his head with a chuckle.  
"Come now, don't look at me that way. I'll be fine I promise." Yukito didn't like the lack of confidence in Mal'chik's voice, but he had never gotten sick before so he guessed there was a first time for everything. He nodded once then turned his bike around before pausing.  
"Senpai...?" Mal'chik paused as well glancing over his shoulder.  
"Hmm...?" A hot blush fell over Yukito's cheeks.   
"Umm... well... I... You see..." Mal'chik raised an eyebrow and tilted his head.  
"What...? You what...?" Yukito tried to ponder how to word what he wanted to say. Instead he merely smiled.  
"Never mind it's not that important." Mal'chik blinked and paused a moment not really sure if he should leave it at that or not. But he knew if Yukito really needed to talk to him, he would. So he nodded once then turned about pedaling forward.  
"Ja'ne...Yuki-kun..."   
  
**  
That night Yukito had turned in early willing to fall asleep to be embraced by the tender cresses of his sweet Angel. The moment he closed his eyes he was asleep despite the eager anticipation creeping all over his boyish body. He waited in his dreamland. The anticipation had followed over him to his fantasies as he searched and searched for the sweet voice.   
  
Angel? Where are you...? How come you aren't singing to me tonight...?   
  
Only the eerie echo of his voice bounced back to him in repetition. He turned back and forth only comforted by the blackness. He ran forward then back a few then to one side turning about finding himself completely lost. He felt it this time. He felt the complete hopelessness he feared. His Angel was angry with him; it was doing this on purpose to punish him for having fantasies about someone else. He couldn't help but whimper pitifully spouting apology after choked apology. The only words that were sent back were his.   
  
I didn't mean to... I promise I'll push him away... Just sing to me... comfort me... I need it more than I can describe... Have you come to me these past nights to tempt me and to bend me? Why, Angel, why? Please answer me... I love none but you!  
  
He awoke calmly. His cheeks here tear stained but he was still and completely calm. Normally the feeling of sleepiness would stay with him throughout the morning, but not this morning. This morning he was completely awake and aware of what he had to do. He looked to his clock. He was a lot earlier than he had thought. He figured he would catch Mal'chik at track practice that morning.   
He dressed and ate his breakfast in silence except for the expected words of grace and goodbye. His grandparents had sensed something was wrong but knew it was better not to pry and if Yukito felt like telling them, he would.   
  
**  
The ride to school was long for Yukito. It was long enough to switch decisions fifty times. He loved Mal'chik one moment then loved his Angel that much more the next. He needed someone and he knew that his Angel was the one he needed; the one who comforted with words, and not sexual feelings. He regaled his own thoughts. They sounded so unfair. Mal'chik couldn't help being the way he was. He was always an incredibly nice person, and here he was going to throw it away. But if it meant the Angel loving him eternally, he would have to pay that price.   
  
**  
  
The track team was already out on the track when Yukito arrived. He dropped his bike to the grass and bounded over to the fence clinging to it searching the track over and over for Mal'chik. Nothing. He scratched his head. In all the times he had known Mal'chik he had not once been sick or missed school, let alone track practice. He shrugged his shoulders and decided maybe Mal'chik slept in and he would wait for him after school.  
  
**   
After school Yukito waited outside until it was almost dusk. No sign of Mal'chik. He sighed gently and decided he would stop by his house then and at least make sure he was all right.   
  
**  
It wasn't a long ride, but it would take twice as long for him to get home, so he planned to keep the visit as short and painless as possible. After all, Mal'chik always understood other times, why wouldn't he be this time?  
He parked his bike on the drive of Mal'chik's house. It was a large two-story house that he had been in only a handful of times before. He walked up the walk and gently rapped on the door taking a polite step back. His father came to the door and smiled allowing him in motioning to the staircase. Yukito nodded removing his shoes and slowly proceeded up the stairs. He walked down a long hall until he stood outside Mal'chik's door. He swallowed hard imagining him on the other side. His palms became sweaty but he dried them on his tight jeans and knocked gently.  
"Come in..." Came the quiet reply. Yukito gripped the doorknob and entered quietly.  
"Senpai...?" Mal'chik sat up in his bed still clad in his pajamas. Yukito blushed uncontrollably. Mal'chik caught it but didn't acknowledge.  
"Yukito-kun. What brings you here...?" Yukito closed the door lightly behind him and approached the bed wringing his hands within themselves nervously making sure to avoid his gaze.  
"Well... I..." he clenched his eyes closed bawling his fists at his sides. He felt the tears welling up and stinging his eyelids. Mal'chik gently tilted his head as he raised a hand to softly stroke his fingertips down Yukito's cheek. Yuki's eyes shot open only to stare right into those black irises. He was caught, lost, and breathless as he found Mal'chik didn't remove his hand but only dried a stray tear with his thumb. Yukito's lips mindlessly parted gently allowing a shocked gasp to come through.   
"I.... I...I..." Yukito stuttered unable to break the soft stare shared between them. Mal'chik gently raised his other hand to gently rise up the back of his neck and through Yukito's hair. Yukito gasped a little more this time his body frozen from the tender caresses.   
"Shh..." Mal'chik cooed as he gently pulled Yukito to him their lips brushing against each other's. Yukito's eyes shot open as Mal'chik's tongue gently crossed his lips and gently into his own mouth. What shocked him even more was that his own was body responded by closing his eyes tilting his head more into the kiss and allowing his own tongue to stroke Mal'chik's. A slight moan escaped Yukito's throat when his eyes shot open and he pushed away from Mal'chik. He stumbled a few steps back and stood there panting and eyes wide.  
"Y-Yuki..." Mal'chik whispered. You have to get away from him...  
"I...I can't see you anymore... Please just leave me alone..." He bowed at the waist then quickly dashed out of his room and the stairs bidding his Father thank you and leaving. Leaving his memories, leaving his dreams, leaving everything.  
  
**  
  
He didn't stop until he was home. His throat burned above his collarbone so bad he thought it might shut up and refuse him to breath anymore. Much to his surprise he didn't cry. Not even when he collapsed on his bed his face in his pillow. No tears come forth. He was slightly worried. He had spent so much time and feelings with Mal'chik and now he just threw them away, and he felt no remorse? Was he sick? Was something wrong with him...? The best conclusion he could come up with was that his true love would comfort him truly and he didn't need to feel remorse anymore.   
He stood and went into the bathroom to take a bath. He washed, rinsed then slipped into the warm steaming water with a content sigh. He laid his head back against the base of the tub and shut his eyes. He found himself wavering in between sleep and awake but still aware to decipher between.   
  
Yukito...  
  
His eyes opened slightly as he glanced around the bathroom. Nothing was there. He went back to relaxing.  
  
Yukito... Aishiteru...  
  
A cold wind brushed down his shoulders and neck causing him to cry out and nearly jump out of the tub. He climbed out and quickly toweled off before dressing. He cleaned up any water he spilled before making a beeline for his room. He closed and locked the door leaning against it his heart beating erratically. He raised his hands to his face rubbing his eyes. His imagination was playing tricks on him now. He had gotten to the brink of obsession but it's that obsession he needed to hold onto for dear life and not let it go.  
He turned off the lights and slipped beneath his covers pulling them over his head as his heart began to beat at its normal pace. Just sleep, sleep and everything will be all right... With those final thoughts to comfort him he closed his eyes even though he wasn't tired and attempted to go to sleep.   
  
**  
  
Morning came. And he hadn't slept the entire night. His eyes were red and he was so tired he thought he would collapse but sleep wasn't a virtue to be given to him that night or anytime. He sighed as he slowly got dressed and went down stairs deciding to skip breakfast and go straight to school. His Grandparents knew he was definitely upset. Yukito never refused food. He had to be sick they decided.  
Yukito hadn't bothered to wait and see if Mal'chik was at track, instead he went straight to class. He had almost fallen asleep in class several times but when he got close his teacher would scold him and tell him he needed to sleep more at night and it wasn't like him to doze off. True, it wasn't like him, but he needed it.   
  
**  
School was never ending and he thanked the Gods when the bell finally rang. He walked to the lockers and put his shoes on then went to fetch his bike. He unchained it then blinked a few times hearing some excited commotion.  
"WAI! Have you heard that sugoi guy?!"  
"OH! YES! I think he's in there right now, C'mon!" He blinked watching crowds of his classmates flocking to the High school. He scratched his head and shrugged deciding he'd follow. He walked his bike not exactly in any hurry. He parked it outside the Fine Arts building where everyone had seemed to go. He entered and as soon as he had the first door open he paused. He stared at the second door leading into the stage with wide eyes. He began to stutter slightly with the sound filling his ears. His hands began to shake immensely. If someone hadn't been behind him to push him forward a bit closer to the other door he may have stood there the entire time. He swallowed hard trying to get the lump out of his throat as he raised a shaky hand to grip the second doorknob and pulled it open unleashing the sound in its full gorgeous fury. He stepped in and stared his jaw dropped at the singer on stage.   
  
~Who can say for certain...?  
Maybe you're still here...  
I feel you all around me...  
Your memory's so clear...~  
  
~Deep within the stillness...  
I can hear you speak...  
You're still an inspiration...  
Can it be...?~  
  
~That you are mine...  
Forever Love...  
And you are watching over me...  
From up above...~  
  
  
Yukito was completely awed and speechless as tears brimmed his eyes and threatened to spill over as he stared up at the singer on stage, his true angel... Mal'chik Gey...   
He quickly turned and exited the Stage. He panted hard. He was his angel all along... How could he have been so blind? The show ended with an uproar of people cheering and shouting begging an encore. People began to file out of the auditorium talking and gasping amongst themselves at his amazing talent. Yukito had no idea that Mal'chik had known how to sing, but then there were a lot of things Yuki didn't know about Mal'chik and that was proven last night.   
He waited till everyone was out except the crew who had been testing the lights and sound. He walked back in his palms ceased their shaking. He gazed around seeing the stage still bright with lights but nobody inhabiting it. He turned to see a stage crewman walk by. He tapped their shoulder.  
"Excuse me. But do you know where Mal'chik-senpai went?" The girl thought for a moment and tapped her pencil on her clipboard.  
"Mmm... I think he left already. He wasn't feeling very well..." He sighed and dropped his head.  
"Thank you..." He was debating on going to his house and falling into his arms crying apologizing for not paying attention to the obvious. He had gotten so mixed up that he had forgotten to see what was plain in front of him. He loved Mal'chik Gey ever since he met him, he was just too stupid to realize. He sighed wondering if he would even want him now, after how cruelly he treated him.   
Yukito walked back and retrieved his bike when he suddenly remembered he had a bunch of homework that night and he wouldn't get that much sleep if he rode all the way to Mal'chik's house. He knew he deserved that much but couldn't help it. He sighed and swore first thing in the morning he would ride bright and early over to Mal'chik's house.  
  
**  
  
His dream started like it had always done. But this time he was completely aware of every little detail. He was completely nude blanketed only by the darkness. He brought his arms to cross his chest in a sort of shy manner when the singing began softly.  
  
I know it's you now, Mal'chik! I know it's you... and I love you! I know that now! I'm sorry! I was so blind all this time... Please forgive me!   
  
  
~Fly me up to where you are beyond a distant star...~  
Suddenly a bright light slowly began to glow from around his feet as a figure began to immerge from the earth. He stepped back in fear at the luminous figure. Two immense white glowing wings spread from its back as it threw its head of red hair back in relief. Yukito gasped to see it was Mal'chik. He slowly reached his hands out to Yukito who allowed them to encircle about his small fragile body to pull him close.   
  
~I wish upon the night to see you smile...~  
  
He sang softly, almost purring into Yuki's ear as his nose nuzzled his neck tenderly forcing a small moan from the young boy.  
  
~If only for a while to know you're there...~  
  
He paused his tender caresses to pull back far enough to gaze into Yuki's pale eyes. His lips hovered just above Yukito's as he sang softly, yet Yuki felt no breath whatsoever. He pulled him close again his hands caressing the small of his back. Yuki hung his hands over Mal'chik's shoulders laying his head to one side allowing a bit better access.  
  
~A breath away is not far to where you are~  
  
He inhaled sharply as he felt Mal'chik's tender, sweet lips lash out and kiss his neck using his tongue to lap the skin. His eyes widened as he awoke. He sat up and gripped his neck. He was perspiring from the lustful moment. He looked to his clock and realized he had over slept. He jumped out of bed and quickly got dressed. He had no idea how he was going to explain to his parents about getting out of another breakfast so he merely decided to go out the window instead.   
Once he mounted his bike he sped off as fast as his legs would pedal towards Mal'chik's house. A bead of sweat rolled down his temple and cheek as he rode hard coming to a screech in the drive. He ran up and knocked on the door lightly. He bounced on his heels waiting for the door to open. He tried again. Nothing. Again. Nothing. He went to look in the window and as soon as he did his blood ran cold. He ran to the other side and peered in the window. His heart sank. The house was empty completely and utterly empty. Somehow they had moved out! And Mal'chik didn't think he needed to tell him.   
Yuki thought back to the night he had told Mal'chik those terrible things and sat down on the porch resting his head in his hands.   
"I don't blame him for not telling me... I was a jerk... a complete jerk..." He started to cry. He stayed on the porch all that day hoping someone would come having forgotten something of value, but no. Nobody came.   
  
**  
  
The sun slowly began to sink, as did Yukito's heart. He waited into the night still hoping he may come back. Even when his grandparents came looking he told them he had to wait there. Eventually he did go home and finally realize Mal'chik Gey, was not returning. No matter how much he prayed, he was gone.  
  
** 4 years later **  
  
"YUKI! HEY, YUKI! MATTE!" The older, taller, more slender, and more handsome silver haired boy paused his walking and turned to see a dark brown haired boy riding towards him on his bike. He smiled happily.  
"Touya!" He gently leaned in for a light peck on the lips before smiling taking the boys hand.   
"C'mon! Sakura and Dad want you over for dinner tonight! They heard your grandparents were out of town!" Yukito thought a moment.   
"Are you sure it's alright...?" Touya nodded once.  
"Of course its alright, you're my boyfriend after all..." Yukito giggled and pecked Touya's cheek lightly before climbing on the spokes of Touya's bike heading back to his Father's house.   
  
**  
"Yukito-san!"   
"Konnichiwa, Sakura-san!" He smiled gently at the bright-eyed smiling girl. The father greeted him as well and led them into the kitchen.   
"Oh, can I help do something?" Yukito offered but their father merely waved a hand with a smile upon his face.  
"No thank you, we're already finished and it's just waiting to be eaten!" Yukito giggled and sat down next to Touya and Sakura. They said grace and began to eat the fine meal.  
After dinner Yukito was sitting next to Touya on the couch as their father sat in the chair across from them.  
"So, Yukito-san. I know you've been looking for a part time job. Did you have any luck?" Yukito turned his gaze from his lover to the father and smiled brightly.  
"Oh yes! I have actually gotten a job at the hospital aiding the nurses and doctors when they need it." The dad smiled and nodded.  
"You like to help people, so I think that is a perfect job for you." Yukito smiled and Touya did as well.   
"When do you start?"  
"Tomorrow actually..."  
"Excited?"  
"Oh yes! I can hardly wait!"   
  
**  
  
That morning Yukito was up bright and early. He had made everyone breakfast before setting out to start his new job. Everyone was very excited for him, but none were as excited as he.   
He got off the train and walked a few blocks to the Tokyo Hospital. He walked in and signed in. They gave him a uniform and allowed him to change before giving him his first few assignments.  
  
**  
  
All through the day Yukito met so many wonderful people there. He had aided doctors and nurses to the best of his ability and the patience seemed to just adore him. Yukito was about to hang up his uniform when one of the nurses came over and confronted him.  
"Do you think you can go check up on patient #153 for me?" He nodded happily.  
"Of course! I'm not in a hurry and my train doesn't leave for an hour!" She nodded happily and bowed thanking him before ending her shift to do some quick errands before her train departed.   
Yukito picked up the folder she had left on the desk for the patient and took the elevator to the third floor looking for room 153. Once he found it he knocked gently.  
"Come in..." A faint voice replied. He entered and closed the door behind him. He walked in a bit closer then paused looking down to the figure lying upon the hospital bed. He couldn't think of whom the man reminded him. He thought a few moments.  
"Something the matter...?" The boy a few years older than him questioned. Yukito shook his head and looked at the folder in his hand.  
  
Diagnosis: Acute Leukemia.   
Age: 18  
Family: None.  
Name:  
  
Yukito paused as his eyes went wide in shock. The patient sat up slightly and looked to him with a confused look. Yukito inched closer getting a better look swallowing hard.  
"Mal'chik..." the man paused and looked hard at Yukito. "Mal'chik.... Gey..." it took a few to register as the man continued to stare at him wondering why his name was such a big wonder when suddenly his own eyes went wide as a flood of memories came back.  
"Yukito...." He whispered. Yukito nodded slowly and both just stared.   
"What happened to you Mal'chik-san...?" He sighed.  
"What do you mean?"  
"That day..." He had been dying to ask this question for over four years.  
"You mean the day I left..." Yukito nodded. Mal'chik sighed. "I had been diagnosed with Leukemia... and my dad wanted to move as soon as possible... we had known ahead of time but I never wanted to say anything for fear you would worry..." Yukito felt his chest balling up.   
"Where is he now...?"  
"My Dad? Oh, well he split when the money ran out... or so he thought.... He was just looking for an excuse to run." Yukito nodded slowly.  
"I-I really missed you..." Mal'chik raised a brow.  
"You did...? I thought you said you never wanted to see me again...?" Yukito looked away as if he had struck him.  
"Yeah well... I'm sorry... I didn't mean it..." Mal'chik smiled.   
"I know you didn't I just wanted to hear you say it..." Yukito's gaze shot back to Mal'chik who was smirking leaning back against the bed frame. There was a long silence shared as Yukito pondered to tell him the truth after all this time. It had taken him a while to get over him and when Touya came along he was so scared to love him. But then he opened up and now he loves Touya more than anything.   
"I'm glad for you..." Yukito hadn't realized he had said all that out loud. He bit his power lip wondering how that all must have sounded, but Mal'chik simply smiled. There was another long silence. Yukito wanted to tell him about his dreams and the song but he couldn't work up the courage. He stood.  
"Well, I should go or I'll miss my train..." The look of Mal'chik's face almost looked as if he were waiting for Yukito to finally spill, as if he had known all along. He merely smiled.   
Yukito bid Mal'chik goodnight and exited his room closing the door behind him. He leaned against it and sighed. He was a jerk all over again. He pushed himself from the door and began to walk back towards the elevator when suddenly something caught his attention. He turned back slowly towards Mal'chik's door.  
  
~Are you gently sleeping...?  
Here inside my dream...?  
And isn't faith believing...  
All power can't be seen...  
  
As my heart holds you...  
Just one beat away...  
I cherish all you gave me...  
Every day...~  
  
Yukito couldn't help but burst into tears. He ran down the hall and into the elevator. He leaned against the side as the elevator took him to ground level. He changed from his uniform and headed to the train station. He boarded his train and went straight to Touya's.  
Touya answered the door and caught an upset Yukito in his arms. Yukito couldn't explain anything to Touya because he wasn't even so sure himself. Touya comforted him and lulled him to sleep with soft kisses and caresses whispering sweet things into Yukito's ear. Yukito purred in reply until he was soon fast asleep.  
  
**  
  
The next day Yukito had insisted he could go to work and when he got there he changed into his uniform and knew for a fact he was going to tell Mal'chik exactly how he felt. He headed up the elevator and towards his room. He paused in front of it expecting to have to knock but instead the door was wide open. He slowly peered in to see the nurses had cleaned everything and it was if he was never there. A nurse passed by.  
"Excuse me, but where is the man who used to be staying in this room..." the nurse looked at her charts a moment then back to Yukito.   
"Why, he died last night..." Yukito's tongue got caught in his throat and he thought he would choke.  
"You're...kidding..." The nurse shook her head.  
"No, He wasn't expected to even live as long as he did... poor boy..." Yukito choked back his emotions and nodded slowly. He consoled himself saying it was better this way he isn't suffering anymore. He's in a better place. But he couldn't help but have that terrible feeling of extreme guilt hanging over his head. He could have done more. He could have been there for him.  
  
**  
  
"We are gathered here today...to pay respects to our dearly beloved... Mal'chik Gey..." Yukito, Touya, his dad, and Sakura sat in the small church dressed in fine black suits and Sakura in a simple black dress. Yukito dabbed his eyes with a cloth handkerchief and Touya rested an arm over Yukito's shoulders taking his free hand into his. Yukito felt this was the only way left that he could show Mal'chik that he truly had cared for him.  
  
**  
  
"Touya...?" Yukito questioned his love holding his hand. "Could you give me a few moments...to you know...say a few things...?" Touya nodded and kissed Yukito's cheek lightly before slowly walking to rejoin his family. Yukito sighed and gently knelt by the gravestone with the words "Mal'chik Gey. Born: January 6, 1984. Died: march 6, 2002." He gently ran his fingers over the lettering.  
"You know... I never thought you'd leave me like this... I mean... I know I'm not alone... But I wish I could have at least told you that... The night you left I waited for you, I was planning on telling you everything about my dreams about my fantasies... But I guess I wont get the satisfaction of face to face... I'm so sorry Mal'chik-san..." He gently kissed his fingertips and brushed it along the name before slowly standing. He stared down at the gravestone for a long while before turning around to walk back. Suddenly a light breeze picked up. Yukito turned back to the grave. He stood there a few moments until the breeze stopped. He sighed gently but before he turned his back to the grave something caught his eye. A single white feather floated down and landed upon Mal'chik's gravestone. Yukito smiled warmly for the first time in a long time.   
"Thank you.... Mal'chik Gey... Thank you..." He turned from the grave and met up with Touya who took his hand gently.  
"So, did you say what you needed to?" Yukito smiled lightly glancing in the direction of the cemetery.   
"I didn't have to... He already knew..."  
  
END  
  
Author's note: I know it was a little odd but I thought it was nifty and I hope you all caught foreshadow and symbolism in all of Yukito's dreams. Please R&R to let me know what you thought. 


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